Fear and I have been constant companions for quite some time. Initially, our relationship was far from friendly. He would show up unannounced, interrupt conversations, and offer unsolicited perspectives on my life.

Just the other day, Fear made an unexpected visit in the midst of a regular Wednesday afternoon. No heads-up, no warning signs, just a sinking feeling in my stomach, and there he was, Fear knocking on my door. With decades of life experience, I have learned to sense when Fear is lurking nearby, ready to make a home in my mind. In that time, I’ve also learned…

It’s not a big deal.

Admittedly, there have been countless moments when Fear has overwhelmed me, filling me with doubt and apprehension. But now I see Fear more as that cousin that pops up every once in a while from out of town for an extended visit without warning. A little annoying, but we’ll see it through. In my 60-odd years, I’ve discovered the art of getting to know fear for who he really is, and turning Fear into a trusted ally. That alone has allowed me to move forward in many instances when I felt I was hitting a dead end and couldn’t possibly go any further.

A Face-to-Face Conversation With Fear

I believe we must acknowledge the presence of fear in our lives and give it the space it deserves. Rather than pushing it away or trying to ignore it, we should invite it to share its concerns and anxieties openly. By actively listening to our fear, we can begin to understand the underlying reasons behind its presence and the role it plays in our lives.

It’s okay to hold fear accountable. But at the end of the day, it’s important to truly understand fear and where it comes from.

You: “By letting you rule my thoughts, I’ve missed out on countless opportunities. I’ve held myself back from growth and success, all because of your constant warnings.”

Fear: “I offer caution and realism. I protect you from disappointment and pain.”

You: “Maybe. But I’ve realized that your warnings have become limitations. Instead of guiding me, you have imprisoned me. Now, I need to believe in my resilience and strength. I need to challenge your grip on me.”

When we let fear take charge, it holds us back and keeps us from reaching our full potential; we forego opportunities to take risks, explore new endeavors, and chase our aspirations, all out of apprehension for potential failure, rejection, or discomfort. We find ourselves compromising our values, remaining in toxic relationships or unfulfilling jobs, and settling for mediocrity, all because fear whispers doubts into our ears about the unknown.

It is a sad truth that so many people live like this without even realizing that fear is calling the shots. They might think they’re being practical or realistic, but they’re really just holding themselves back. However, once we become aware of our fears and start questioning them, that’s when we can start breaking free and embracing our true potential.

You’ve got so much more to gain by facing your fears! It is only by acknowledging and interrogating our fears, by daring to challenge their authority over us, that we can begin to break free from their confinements and unleash the boundless potential that lies within. Once we shed light on our fears, we can step boldly into the realm of possibility, embracing the unknown with courage and resilience to seize our full potential.

Defining Fear

You: “Fear, I can’t help but wonder – who are you, really? What is your purpose in my life?”

Fear: “I am the voice of caution, the echo of past pain, and the bearer of worst-case scenarios. I am the embodiment of uncertainty and apprehension, shaped by your experiences.”

You: “But are you solely here to protect me, or do you also hold me back from embracing growth and opportunity?” 

Fear takes many forms and can manifest itself in numerous ways, such as fear of engulfment, failure, rejection, or success. Each of us has our own set of fears that impact our lives in unique ways. We must examine these fears, where they originated from, and how they operate in our day-to-day lives. Only then can we truly recognize their influence and address them accordingly.

It’s important to understand that fear is a natural and unavoidable part of the human experience. We cannot avoid it altogether, but we can learn how to tame it and turn it into something that propels us forward rather than letting it hold us back. This is where the concept of turning fear into fuel comes into play.

In my book, Turn Your Fear Into Fuel, I delve deep into the topic of fear and how we can transform it into a powerful catalyst for success in our personal and professional lives. By recognizing and embracing our fears and using them to our advantage, we can tap into a newfound source of power and success that drives us to overcome obstacles and achieve our goals.

It’s time to stop treating fear as an enemy and instead cultivate a relationship with it that fosters growth, progress, and resilience.

Fear and Mental Health

You: “Hey, Fear. Do you not hinder my chances of reaching my potential and finding fulfillment? Can’t there be a balance between caution and courage, rather than an overwhelming sense of hesitancy?”

Fear: “It’s true that I urge caution and self-preservation, because I believe that my influence serves to keep you safe. You often face risks that I perceive as too great, and I strive to protect you from harm.”

For as long as human beings have been around, fear has served as our natural defense mechanism, as a collection of ingrained behaviors developed over time to safeguard ourselves from very real physical threats. It’s essential to recognize that, at its core, fear is motivated by a desire to keep us safe and secure. The good news is, most of us no longer live alongside wild animals that see us as dinner. The bad news is, the lizard part of our brain hasn’t figured that out yet.

In order to prevent fear from dictating the course of our lives, we must consciously shift our perspective and perceive fear in a different light.

What sets us apart as human beings is our capacity to consciously initiate change in our lives. We have the ability to pause, reevaluate our circumstances, and approach the world from a fresh vantage point that aligns with our values and aspirations.

When it comes to our mental well-being, we cannot simply dismiss fear and carry on with our daily routines. We’ve all tried that. It works until it doesn’t, right? Instead, we must look fear in the eye, comprehend its purpose, and learn how to harness it to our advantage. It’s uncomfortable at first, no doubt about it. But with practice, we can utilize fear in a manner that empowers us to navigate life with resilience and courage.

This mindful approach allows us to acknowledge fear as a tool for protection while also enabling us to seize control of our responses to it, ensuring that it serves our best interests rather than limiting our potential for growth and fulfillment.

Practical Steps for Dealing with Fear

You: “Fear, I’ve been thinking about our relationship and I’m wondering, how can I utilize you instead of constantly trying to push you aside?”

Fear: “It’s interesting that you’re open to exploring a different dynamic between us. Since  my primary role is to protect you from potential harm and failure, you can utilize me to acknowledge and understand the risks involved in your decisions. I can help you assess situations more critically and plan for contingencies.”

You: “So, instead of letting you dictate my actions, I can use your insights to make more informed choices and navigate challenges more effectively?”

Fear: “Exactly. By recognizing that my warnings come from a place of concern for your well-being, you can learn to distinguish between valid concerns and irrational fears in life. You don’t have to ignore me or let me overwhelm you; instead, you can channel my influence into calculated risks and thoughtful decision-making.”

Understanding your fears better is all about getting a grip on what makes them tick and using that knowledge to your advantage. Here are a few down-to-earth ways to get a handle on your fears:

• Self-reflection: Take a moment to mull over your fears and dig into where they might be coming from. Understanding the backstory of your fears can be a game-changer in how you deal with them.
• Journaling: Scribbling down your fears and delving into the thoughts and emotions tied to them can be quite revealing. This is a great way to spot any recurring patterns or triggers.
• Getting support: Chatting with friends, family, or a therapist about your fears in life can bring fresh perspectives and new ways of looking at things. Sometimes, an outsider’s take on your situation can be eye-opening.
• Taking small steps: Pushing yourself to confront your fears in small doses and gradually ramping them up can be a real game plan. Making strides, no matter how small, will give you the inside scoop on your fears and boost your confidence along the way.

It’s Time to Talk With Your Fears…

Embracing open and honest dialogue with your fears is like giving them a seat at the table of your mind and heart. You are the host at that table and fear is your invited guest (not the other way around). The more you engage in conversations with your fears, the more you’ll understand their intentions and how they impact you. By shining a light on your fears through these conversations, you can begin to establish a sense of control and steer their power towards your authentic goals and aspirations.

So, chat it up with your fears, listen to what they have to say, and together, find a way to move forward in alignment with your true purpose. If you’re interested in more topics like this one, sign up for more information on my new book, Turn Your Fear Into Fuel.

I’ll see you at the top!